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Pectin News 11--January 2000

Last month, we had the honor of gaining two new members: SCRAD and Shadow Omega! Welcome guys!

Shadow has worked long and hard in putting together the best web site ever (except for her other web sites of course, and the Aisle Se7en site, oh, and Cusack 101, and...)

You can visit my new web site too if you'd like: Welcome to Loserville

Give us your URLs and we'll post them for the rest of the pectinites. I'd like to start an IPS webring and link all of the pages together. Wouldn't that be fun?

HEY! You can now check out the results of the Millenium Survey, which may just inspire you to senf in your Golden Globes survey.

This site best viewed with NETSCAPEon 600x800 resolution. There HAVE been problems in IE...just so'n ya know...

Hello everyone. What you are looking at is the prototype for the new IPS website. Yes, I have been slaving these last few weeks on graphics and pure, from-scratch HTML (none of that Pagemill or Frontpage crap for me, no sir!) in order to make the IPS something aesthetically stunning. Over the course of the next months I shall continue to add to the site with bigger, better things. I can only hope I've done a good job, but I'll never know without a little bit of feedback **starts singing to the tune of 'Mambo No. 5'..."A little bit of feedback in my life.."** So send me your thoughts, suggestions, praise, death threats, Milano cookies, whatever, at

Enjoy! I did this just for you guys! **sniffle sniffle** CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE ON THIS WEB SITE?!? CAN YOU!!!?

There was no party. Scotty D. and BPM did drop by to say hi and wish me a Happy New Year, which was so nice of them. Sally called me. I was the first person she called this year! I guess, from now on, if you guys want an IPS party, let me know because I'm really tired of planning parties nobody comes to. That's not me bitching; that's me being frank.

Meanwhile, on Shadow's side of the pond...(err...across the Gulf of Mexico, that Florida), she purposefully secluded herself from the rest of humanity and treated herself to some 1998 Grape Merlot by the gulfshore. All alone, on the damp grass, while a light drizzle of rain fell. Very Zen. She then returned to the house she was sitting over the weekend to find that one of the dogs had left a little New Year's doggie surprise on the carpet. Oh, well. At least the Grape Merlot was good. After her Christmas dinner party, her resolution on parties is "NO MORE!"...she could run for President with speeches that deep.

I'm running out of products. I have a list somewhere that I can't find, but some of the products are repetitive anyway, so I need you guys to send in pectin products. You'd be surprised how many there are; you just have to look.

*The information that follows is directly from PETA's website.*

The following product is made from animal.

"Albumen. In eggs, milk, muscles, blood, and many vegetable tissues and fluids. In cosmetics, albumen is usually derived from egg whites and used as a coagulating agent. May cause allergic reaction. In cakes, cookies, candies, etc. Egg whites sometimes used in "clearing" wines. Derivative: Albumin."

*The information that follows is ALSO directly from PETA's website. According to them, this is an animal-friendly company*

"Abercrombie & Fitch (The Limited), 4 Limited Pkwy. E., Reynoldsburg, OH 43068; 614-577-6570

"Meet the Corporate Standard of Compassion for Animals (CSCA)... manufacture strictly vegan products"

As you know, the IPS is dedicated to bringing attention to charitable organizations everywhere. Every month you will receive the name and address of an organization whose ideas are similar to those of the IPS. This Month's:

National Wildlife Federation
P.O. Box 1637
Merriield, VA 22116-1637

This organization protects the animals that live in the wild and are endangered by careless people. Animals are cool!

Okay, in our ongoing effort to keep our members aware of the goings on in the world, Olga and I are going to add more newsy stuff like this.

*This article is from The New York Times, EDITORIALS/LETTERS, Tuesday, April 6, 1999*

"Isn't Kosovo Just Like Tibet?"
To the Editor:
Regarding Prime Minister Zhu Rongji's visit to the United States, you say (editorial, April 5) that the American Government should 'dispel Chinese fears that a precedent is being set for future international military intervention in Tibet or other Chinese regions troubled by ethnic strife' by NATO actions in Kosovo.

Why should Chinese fears be dispelled? What makes the situation in Kosovo different from the situation in Tibet, other than the fact that Chinese atrocities in Tibet have taken place over a longer period of time and that Tibet once had, in a way Kosovo never has, the recognition of the world community as a sovereign state?

Is it simply a question of the fact that China is too big to mess with? Any other justification for nonintervention in Tibet would, it seems to me, apply to the situation in Kosovo as well.

Somerville, Mass., April 5, 1999"

If you would like more information, visit the ICT at or email me. I'll be glad to share my vast knowledge with you!

First one to guess the source of the line wins a prize!

"I heard the saddest story about a can of Spaghetti O's this morning."


All right everybody, Kick Ass Movie of the Month will be replaced by Blocking the Wall. If I ever feel like there is truly a kick ass movie that needs to be share, then I will write about it, but for now, this Kick Ass column will replace it. Not to mention, I don't get to see many movies anymore. So it is written, so shall it be:

"Never There" by Cake.
Dude, Sally and I LOVE this band--and this song. It's such our lives man. Not to mention, it's Cake--good food, good music. All of their songs have such a funky groove. Be cool baby! (I'm watching Conan right now.)

It's poetry time baby--pronounced a la Conan O'Brien, babeh. So sit back and enjoy some solid vibes. *Sound of fingers snapping* My apologies now if this offends anyone, but offending people is the best way to get people to think, and that's what the IPS is all about--getting people to think that is!

"What God Did Not Plan On"

Sleep well,
Weep well
Go to the deep well
As often as possible
Bring back the water,
Jostling and gleaming
God did not plan on consciousness
Developing so
Well. Well,
Tell him our
Pail is full
And He can
Go to Hell

--Stan Rice

I have decided that since Shadow has taken over my movie column, that I need some other column to keep busy, so I came up with book reviews! Yea! Yipee friggin skipee! As you may or may not know, I am the queen of conciseness when it comes to critiquing stuff, so I'm not going to make an exception here by going into detail about the book. I'm just giving you my impression and a couple of sentences that sum up the plot. Well, here's your book:

High Fidelity by Nick Hornby. Now, those of you who are obsessed with me may know that this book first caught my eye when I found out that John Cusack was working on the movie version, which comes out sometime within the next six months I think. Anyway, it's a very good book and a quick read. Rob has just broken up with his girlfriend and is going through one of those what-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-life things which leads him to sleep with an American folk-singer and track down old girlfriends in futile attempts for closure.

If you're in to pop culture, you'll like it. If you like quirky characters, you'll like it. If you want to step into the mind of a nekkid-year-ol'-man (as Olga and I call 'em), then you'll like it. I liked it. Yep. That's all I have to say about that.

Doker K9er. Here's a column that will take a look at conspiracies, weird coincidences, aliens, and all of that good stuff. The following article is a paraphrase of an article:

(for copyright purposes, here's some publishing credits...or you can read this if you get off on parenthetical citation...either way, oh bite me, it's fun!)
Gardner,Martin. The Incredible Dr. Matrix. Mysteries of the Unexplained. Pleasantville, New York: The Reader's Digest Associated, Incorporated, 1982.

Now then, imagine some ominous mystery music in the background. This month, some Lincoln/Kennedy coincidences.

Lincoln--elected president 1860. Kennedy--1960.
Both assassinated on Fridays while their wives looked on.
Lincoln--shot in Ford's Theatre. Kennedy--shot while riding in a Lincoln convertible made by Ford.
Both succeeded by Southern Democratic vice-presidents named Johnson--Andrew and Lyndon.
Andrew Johnson--born 1808. Lyndon--1908.
Lincoln's secretary's first name--John. Kennedy's--Lincoln.
John Wilkes Booth--born 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald--1939.

Our very own Big Penis Man has agreed to do this column on a monthly basis, so send in your burning questions!

"Dear BPM,
My boyfriend's family wants to meet me. I'm nervous and was wondering if you had any tips as to what I should wear and say.
--Sleepless in Seattle"
Dear Sleepless in Seattle,
So his family wants to meet you. I say that you wear a real sleazy dress. That way u get the dad's attention. For the mom however you have to touch her son constantly and I mean everywhere. The most important thing you should say is that you're not a virgin and you're a switch hitter, not that there's anything wrong with that. Then, after you say that, hit on the mom and wink at her like you have a nerve disorder. If everything goes according to plan, his parents will hate you and you'll end up breaking their little boy's heart. Maybe, just maybe, he'll also commit suicide. Good luck!

"Dear BPM,
My mom won't get off my back! She wants me to settle down--find a wife, have kids. I'm not ready for that stuff yet. I'm not done having fun. How can I tell her?
--I've got mail"
Dear I've got mail,
I say that you slap the bitch and tell her you're gay and you don't want to settle down with Jane Doe, but with John Doe. That should shut her up and make her take you out of her will. (Web guru's interjection: especially if she's seen 'Seven'. Ye Gods!)

So, I'm still waiting for donations from you, except for Stephanie who once again answered the call of duty!

dusting off the box for one more peek at a movie everyone forgot about by Video Store Sex Goddess Shadow Omega

Apologies in advance if you enjoyed the reviewed film, but you all seem to be intelligent people. Keep in mind the views expressed by Shadow Omega are not necessarilly endorsed by the IPS, its members or sponsors *g*

‘Consenting Adults'
Directed by Alan J. Pakula
Starring Kevin Kline, Kevin Spacey, Mary-Elizabeth Mastrantonio

Many people will back me up when I say that I tend to give every movie the benefit of the doubt, especially a movie starring a gloriously tanned Kevin Spacey (all right, all right, you guys know that Charlotte must interject here. You understand why I invited this girl to join the IPS now don't you? Okay, continue.) , but about halfway through ‘Consenting Adults' I actually muttered "oh my God, I can't watch this" and turned off my VCR. In all fairness, the movie plays very well as a comedy, with Kevin Kline and the perenially (Again, interjection. Although a big word was used, do not mistakenly think that Shadow Omega is an alias of Olga's. Resume.) underrated Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio rounding out a far-too-good-for-this cast, but it takes a potentially intriguing idea and turns it into a humiliating would-be thriller. Observing that perhaps Hollywood hadn't produced enough gritty suburban melodramas in the early 1990's, director Alan J. Pakula decided to up the ante and shoot ‘Consenting Adults', which oozes so much smarm and contrived ‘suspense' that you'd expect Jennifer Love Hewitt to pop in somewhere along the line in a thin tank top. She doesn't. (Interjection: Damn shame too y'know. Continue.) (Pakula being the man who also brought us the equally smarmy but actually thrilling ‘Presumed Innocent')

‘Consenting Adults' begins with promise...Kevin Kline and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio are a loving, successful upper-middle-class suburban couple whose lives are suddenly made a little more interesting by the arrival of a scathingly blonde Kevin Spacey and his equally blonde wife. Things get *more* interesting as Kline struggles with his ethics against Spacey's hedonistic, quasi-felonious approach to life in general, and then things get *even more* interesting when the time comes for the men to discuss wife-swapping.

I'll admit it's right about this point that I began to think there was some meat to this movie. The acting was right on and the script to this point had been easily digestible.

Then it seems as if someone stepped in, forcibly liberated the script from the screenwriter's hands, and held Pakula at gunpoint to make a movie that is all at once confusing, plodding, and very very disturbing. The men swap wives, and the next morning Spacey's wife has been murdered (it takes them about an hour to arrive at this, the narrative hook, of the entire story). The prime suspect? Kline! The audience knows that Spacey did it, but this film has such a low regard for its audience and itself that it mopes through another hour of Kline's misery and detective-work. Is the wife really dead? Who's conning who? Will Spacey turn Kline's family against him? How? Why? Who cares?

For the record, the 1998 Video Movie Guide gives this 1 star. ‘Breakin' 2: Electric Bugaloo' got 2 ˝ stars. (Interjection: I swear, neither Charlotte nor Olga wrote that. The girl's just that cool.)

Thank you so very much Stephanie, Sally, Shadow, and BPM! Stephanie has sent in a generous amount of trivia and quotes. BPM agreed to author a monthly advice column. Sally gave birth to: Hmm, That's Strange..., Whoriscopes, But I Like it Too, and It's Poetry Daddy O! Shadow volunteered to take over the Kick Ass Movie of the Month column as well as becoming the Official IPS Web Guru.

Also, congratualations to Shadow who correctly identified the source of the Where's That from last month. It was "Buddy", Swimming With Sharks.

I hope the rest of you are taking the hint :D



Leave us comments, suggestions, and replies to contests. We love member involvement at the IPS! Also let us know how you like the new layout. What would you change? What would you keep? What topics should we cover? Have you an idea for a monthly column?(Web guru's interjection: Do you have any Milano cookies? Okay, cool! Hang on, I'll give you an address....)

Seriously, send us your thoughts. We thrive on the community vibe. Peace out.

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